This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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