nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize