Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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