He uses pillows to masturbate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize