how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
