I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
