Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
