I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
