She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
