I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
