Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Four minutes until I can fart!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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