There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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