Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
