I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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