I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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