Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
