By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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