I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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