totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
