You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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