I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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