He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
