is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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