i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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