I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
