i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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