using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
