I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
