I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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