Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
