A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
