could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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