dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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