and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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