we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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