So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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