Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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