Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
