i need an iv and a liver transplant
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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