you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
