saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
