please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
