we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
