everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
