I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
