I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
