Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am mentally ready for anal.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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