ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
