Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
