Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
