So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
