I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
