I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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