You're so nebulous sometimes
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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