she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
