Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
