Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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