Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
