would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
