I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
